i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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