New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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