Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
