In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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