it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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