I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize