I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
