But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
