I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
