No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
