would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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