how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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