I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
