I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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