I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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