omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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