I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
