And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
