Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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