I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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