its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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