As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
