I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize