Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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