you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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