Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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