i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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