I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize