It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I will pee on everything he values.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
