Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My vagina just clenched in fear
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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