So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
