dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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