two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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