You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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