Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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