nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Panties = found
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
