I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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