oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
