Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
