pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just forgot I was standing up.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
