My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
