you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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