His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
