So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
