Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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