WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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