Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You can't motorboat a personality
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
