Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
