My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think I died a long time ago.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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