true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
