Midget sex pt 2 tonight
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
