Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
