all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize