From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
