I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
