and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize