Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
