He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize