Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
