Tell her she can't have a vagina
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
