I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize