I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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