if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so let's talk penis.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
