This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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