I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
