It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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