So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
