Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
