he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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