I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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